I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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