i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
