You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
