My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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