community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
