you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
