Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
