i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well I just put wine in my tea
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip