you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood