How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.