dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together