Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
