I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
