dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
