So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
