so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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