they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
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