Sry I called you an 8
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
