i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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