Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
