So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
