ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
