I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
