Can i not drive my cunt home
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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