Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Everclear isn't food dammit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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