God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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