definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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