So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
