the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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