Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize