i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize