no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
