I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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