Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
