I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
