is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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