I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
