dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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