He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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