You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
