Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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