were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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