My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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