Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
