So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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