she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
