Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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