I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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