i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
