just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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