Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
