we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Panties = found
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
