you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
