I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
