what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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