my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
