i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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