I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
