Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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